,Sometimes no matter how much we try to meet our goals, we struggle to follow through and do what it takes to succeed. Something keeps us from success despite our goals being clearly defined and realistic.
Self-sabotage is the conflict between our logical clear thinking mind (the voice urging healthy eating and careful spending) and our subconscious emotionally driven mind (that indulges midnight snacking and frivolous purchases).
This self-destructive habit causes us to think and act in ways that derail us from our goals. It’s a self-protection mechanism that is rooted in fear of failing, succeeding, or being humiliated or rejected. Self-sabotage prevents us from taking action, fixing problems, changing behaviors, developing new habits, and living our dream life.
However because these behaviors become ingrained habits, we fail to recognize them as the culprits blocking us from success. So we overlook the destructiveness of actions like always being tardy, not organizing our schedule, or FOMO – fear of missing out - so we never commit to an action or invitation. Recognizable behaviors are procrastinating, drowning problems with substances, stress-eating, and self-injuring.
The following list will shine the spotlight on some of these self-limiting behaviours to help you become unstuck:
Repressing Thoughts & Emotions
We stuff our thoughts and feelings because we are ashamed of them, and fear that they make us into awful people. As long as we avoid and repress our feelings and thoughts, we’ll remain in fear of them.
To free yourself, begin to reflect on your life. Detachedly observe your behavior, thoughts, emotions, attitudes, and beliefs, and examine them to understand which ones are helping and which are harming you in the pursuit of your goals. Acknowledge and process them with an attitude of interested curiosity to make them more workable.
We constantly judge and insult ourselves and don’t let go of past mistakes. This is the voice that is always warning us to hold off, rethink decisions, and saying we can’t do something. It traps us in inaction and indecision.
Notice when this mindset steps into the picture. Become intimately familiar with it so you can quickly replace its voice with a positive affirming one. A powerful antidote is to practise patience and kindness towards yourself.
We squander the time we do have believing we’ll have time later to do what we need. So we toss aside hours in which we can finish or chip away at a project by thinking it will be better to just start the next day when we have the whole day. Or we wait until the last minute to begin a project and then we aren’t able to present our best effort.
To change this habit, we can motivate ourselves by first doing something that energizes and calms our mind and then tackle the task at hand. Or you can set a mini deadline of 1 hour each day to work towards meeting your objective.
We don’t take action towards living our dream life because the time isn’t right, or we feel we don’t possess every skill necessary for success. Striving for perfection is an unattainable goal and will cause us to discard every opportunity that presents itself to us.
Reflect on your previous successes and then create a list of attainable goals. Begin with small easily achievable goals to boost your confidence. Think of all your strengths and skills and remind yourself they are responsible for your attainments. Remember too that you are in control of your actions, thoughts, beliefs and use these reflections to inspire you to take action that will move you in the right direction.
To overcome the habit of self-sabotage, it’s absolutely vital that you reflect on your life. Awareness of your underlying beliefs and motivations will reveal why and how you trip yourself up in your life. As you undertake this self-examination be kind to yourself and create a list of positive affirmations, mantras, or visualizations to encourage you. Then begin to change those behaviors, and situations that don’t support your goals. Make a plan of how you will proceed every day.
May you succeed in attaining your life goals