Being Self Confident without Being Egotistical

I was reflecting on the difference between egotism and self-confidence.  It is easy to confuse the two, and even more difficult to develop a healthy balance of being confident, but not overly confident or cocky.
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Egotism or arrogance is the habit of thinking oneself as being more important than others; of boasting, being self-absorbed, and conceited.  An arrogant person neglects others' opinions and suggestions thus alienating them, and conversely overestimates his or her own abilities.   

Whereas self-confidence is knowing oneself and trusting in one’s own judgments, beliefs, and capabilities in dealing with daily challenges and demands, and in one’s ability to succeed.  Being confident attracts people and earns their trust. 

The willingness to learn about oneself and one’s life is key to developing healthy self-confidence and trust.  The most effective way of doing this is to reflect on experiences, thoughts, emotions and feelings, and to process and understand our reactions, actions, thoughts, and speech arising from these experiences.

One can also cultivate habits throughout the day to grow belief in oneself. 

Habits to Boost Self-Confidence:

1. A realistic self-image will reveal your skills and capabilities, your thoughts, beliefs, and values.  It will expose areas for growth and additional learning.  This is the best way to overcome a negative self-image or blind self-confidence. 
2. Study what you need to know.  Being well-versed in a subject, and well prepared for an upcoming project, will make you confident and feel empowered to take risks. Self-confidence arises from good preparation and leads to success.     
3. Begin and finish small projects.  Finishing something gives us a sense of achievement.  Set small accomplishable goals for yourself. Over time these small gains add up to big achievements and greater confidence.
4. Pretend confidence.  Even if you aren’t feeling it, do something you’ve been avoiding. Convince yourself that you will be able to complete it to the best of your ability. Boost your determination by looking at past completed projects.  Pretending confidence will eventually lead to genuine belief in yourself. 
5. Help others by sharing your gifts, skills and time.  Volunteering will remind you of your talents and skills. Witnessing your ability to change another person’s life will increase your confidence and gratitude, and will help you feel better about yourself.
6. Engage with others.  Speak slowly and clearly and avoid talking too much.  Try to relax, be present, and really connect in a calm, relaxed way; this will increase your confidence and cause others to gravitate to you.
7. Dress the part.  Being well groomed and dressing with care projects the image of a presentable person who cares for and respects themselves.  It grows others' confidence in you, and your own self trust. 
8. Supportive Company.  Keep the company of people who encourage you to live from your highest self and your values.  Foster these relationships to help you on your journey to establishing this new habit.

 
Growing self-confidence is a contradiction because it requires you to act as though you are already confident.  So the only thing to do it is to begin acting the part.

May you have much success in your journey to a happier confident you.

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