Listening to Yourself

Success means many things to different people.  One of the hallmarks of success is being able to listen not only to others but to oneself as well.

However, with the deluge of information we are exposed to, it is not easy to distinguish our own thoughts from those we regularly hear from the world around us. Each day we are told what to desire, what to think, how to feel, what to choose, so it is hard to tease apart our own thoughts and feelings from the externally imposed ones.
 
We know from experience when we look back on situations in which we wished we had spoken up or regretted missing an opportunity, that we let ourselves down because we were confused by other opinions, or were too afraid to listen to our inner voice, instinct, or intuition.  And the converse is also true: on the occasions we did respond to our inner calling we remember how our self-trust and self-confidence soared.

To reestablish a connection and relationship with yourself, try to do some of the following steps each day.
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• Know Your Values:  think about what matters deeply to you.  Examine your life and note what brings you joy. Clarify your values to see if they are indeed bringing your desired result. For example, if you value money or fame, then imagine living your life being governed by that value. Pay attention to your feelings: are you sad, lonely, happy? Check to see if your desire for fame relates more to wanting acceptance. Ultimately follow the values that lead you to greater peace and joy.

 

• Honor Your Decision Making: you may lack trust in yourself because you have made bad decisions in the past.  Consequently your trust in yourself to take care of yourself is teetering.  But that was the past.  Start fresh (it’s a new year) and then move forward.  Learn how to make sound, beneficial decisions and then act on them.  Establish this habit of making wise decisions and you’ll build credibility with yourself.  You will also feel stronger and surer about taking your life in the direction you want.

 

• Recognize Your Message Delivery System: you are a unique being and your inner guidance will arrive in a way that is consistent with who you are. First acknowledge that your messages don’t need to be the same as others' nor do they have to arrive at the same time as others'.  Get to know how you receive instinctive answers and guidance. The only way to do this is to pay attention and notice patterns.  E.g., I receive answers when I, for no apparent reason, open a random book on the bookshelf, or suddenly feel the urge to break the silence by turning on the radio; typically I will receive an answer to some question that has been plaguing me. Your answer could come as a feeling, an image, hearing a voice, or in a dream.  

 

• Stop Self Shaming: some people think that being unkind to themselves is a good motivator to keep forging ahead.  Actually self-shaming isn’t a useful change agent because it causes depression, defensiveness, resentment, and reactivity. Notice your internal dialogue, such as, "I'm a failure", and replace the thought with a truthful statement that will challenge the negative self-talk.  Switch it to, “I am not good at some things, but I’m good at these (name several) things.”  Remind yourself that you have thoughts, but you aren’t your thoughts. Get into the habit of overriding the voice of your inner critic.

 

• Unearth Core Beliefs:  core beliefs are opinions you have about life, yourself, and others.  They aren’t facts, but we take them to be so.  Typically these are learned in childhood and can rule our lives if we aren’t aware of them.  Until they are brought to the surface of our awareness and dealt with properly, they will influence how we live and will affect our decision making.  Empower yourself by working with a counsellor, mentor, or coach to help you uncover your unconscious core beliefs. 

 

• Take Time to Clear your Mind: each day make a little time to connect to your inner voice. To sift through all the thoughts tumbling around in your mind, free write.  Sit down with pen and paper and just begin writing with no topic in mind.  Keep writing nonstop for about 10 minutes or longer.  Jot down all your thoughts and soon you will uncover your real feelings and thoughts; you will connect to your real voice or inner guidance. Or sit silently, eyes closed and ask yourself a question.  Then watch and wait for thoughts to bubble up in your mind.  You will know when your answer arises because your body, emotions, and mind will feel its arrival.  

Listening to yourself will help you fulfill your goals and attain your idea of success.  It will help you feel happier and improve your self-esteem.

May you follow the voice of your inner guide.

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