Relieving the Stress of Holiday Giving

Holiday gift-giving can be a stressful time for many. Especially if we come from a long tradition of gifting, we may struggle to find an affordable, suitable, or meaningful gift when we are short on cash, time, and energy.

It is important to recognize that there’s a chance we may never find the perfect gift.
 
For many reasons, people may not receive in the way we would like them to. Bad feelings in challenging relationships can cause our intentions to be misinterpreted. Our gift could be disregarded simply because it comes from us, a thoughtful gift may be felt to be spiteful and shaming, or an expensive gift may be seen as showing off or trying to buy favor. 

Sometimes our own anxieties can cause us to worry that we may disappoint because our gift isn’t expensive or fancy enough, or we worry that we will be seen to be favoring some, so we’ll try to ensure all our gifts are of the same value. Or to avoid embarrassment and judgment, we’ll choose gifts beyond our financial means to gain approval, impress, or to one up someone else.

However some people don’t experience anxiety when gifting or not giving. Confident gift givers know and understand the recipient well and their choice deepens their connection. Other people reject the idea of symbolically tying holidays to obligatory giving, and minimalists choose not to consume excessively. There's a lesson here. 

Rather than just going along with social influencers' and marketing specialists’ recommendations, this holiday season we can practice skillful giving. 

When buying, giving, and receiving gifts consider:

• Know your recipient and your intention Research shows that most gift givers focus more on the “big reveal” moment, and not on the gift’s practicality. To avoid giving a gift that suits you more than the recipient think about whether it fits the person’s style, will they use it, or have space for it.  Think from the person’s perspective. Better still, notice the contents of the person’s home or office space, their clothing, favorite foods, hobbies and life choices. For instance, if your friend is overwhelmed or burdened, you can gift them a picnic at the beach, a massage, a day at a retreat center, or babysitter costs. For a special treat you could split the expense with mutual friends. The gift of a memorable, peaceful, or fun experience will deepen your connection with each other. You could also think about what emotion you’d like the gift to evoke: is it happiness, relief, peace, or some other emotion?
• Ask for suggestions. If you are at a loss on what to get, then ask the person what they would like.  If the person enjoys being surprised then ask for general rather than specific suggestions. 
• Receiving is troublesome for some people. Insecure people tend to struggle with receiving gifts because they may worry that will be obligated to reciprocate, do even better, or that they aren’t as considerate or generous as the giver.  Because giving a thoughtful gift takes planning and awareness of the recipient’s likes and dislikes or personality, this could make some people feel exposed or uncomfortable. Instead of being upset about or anxious at the response, remember and take comfort in your intention, and know that you can’t control the other person's response.
• Focus on your relationships. Draw closer to those friends who appreciate you and your company, and not solely the value of your gifts.

Perhaps the best gift is spending time with important people in our lives. Meaningful time will increase our understanding and connection with each other. True giving arises from a generous heart that spontaneously and freely gives time, energy, and care. And in return, we feel good.  
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May you enjoy a relaxed and meaningful holiday season.

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