Courageously Coping with Change

2020 has been a year of enormous change.

We’ve lived through almost an entire year of upheaval with varying degrees of success in our coping methods. But this year has also been an extreme example of life-shattering imposed change.

Within this larger shift, we also experience smaller alterations and modifications in our lives.  Using these less fear-inducing changes as a training ground, we can grow our resilience and coping skills to prepare us to handle big changes.

By all accounts, 2021 is likely to require us to continue adapting to new ways of thinking, acting, and being.

If we have the mindset that change is problematic and should not happen then we’ll experience greater discomfort and suffering.  The Buddha called this the second arrow.  The first arrow is the incident that created the pain, e.g. touching a hot pot without a glove and getting burned.  The second arrow is the mental anguish or irritation we feel towards ourselves for making the mistake.


The only way to successfully work with and truly grasp life’s impermanent nature is to remain present, and to learn to move with its fluctuating rhythm.

Reflect on the following insights to help grow your resilience and flexibility.
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• Everything Changes – we would like things to stay the same because that makes us feel secure, but permanence is an illusion.  Nothing is permanent. Change is constant.  Our suffering increases when we struggle to make everything concrete and solid, and exactly the way we want it to be.  In actuality everything is constantly moving.  We can have a happier, peaceful state of mind when we grow our acceptance of change.

 

• Perception Matters – the state of our mind influences how we perceive our experiences.  If we are feeling upbeat things “appear” better, if we are down they "appear" unbearable.  In reality not too much changes from day to day, and yet depending on our mood, things can feel either manageable or unmanageable.  Check in with yourself regularly.  Remind yourself to account for your current outlook in your handling of situations.  Accustom your mind to expect and prepare for challenges and the unplanned.

 

• Be Grateful – when we feel we aren’t coping or changes are overwhelming, we can sink into a funk.  The tendency then is to spiral into negative thinking.  At such a time it is important to consciously recall all the positive things that are actually going right in your life: you have your health, family, friends, home.  Think about the people who don’t have what you have and be grateful.

 

• Acknowledge Feelings – embrace, accept, and connect to yourself in a meaningful way. Change is challenging, especially if it is unwanted.  So set time aside to allow bodily sensations, emotional feelings, and mental cogitations to arise as they will without trying to control them. With a welcoming attitude, simply observe them as they arise without getting swept up in them. Remind yourself that all situations are temporary and then try to go with the flow.  Like you would with a friend, wish yourself to be free of the pain, and extend that wish to all beings. Pay attention to feelings of release and softening when you do this practice.

Make mental and journal notes of your coping methods for the challenges you’ve overcome. Honor your struggle and celebrate your successes in skillfully coping and adapting.  Know that you have come out stronger for having undergone those changes.

May you meet change with calm acceptance and courage.

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