Conversing to Connect

The other day, I was at a checkout stand waiting to pay when I sneezed.  The woman who was ahead of me and the cashier automatically said “bless you.”  I suppose my lack of a response caused the woman to nervously say, “I don’t even know if I can say that anymore.”  Her concerned expression made me feel sad for the loss of our common decency and connection simply as human beings to each other.  I replied, “we can all use blessings.”  The cashier and she chorused a relieved “Yes, we can.”

With Thanksgiving gatherings in a few days, how do we converse and remain caring and connected with our family members and those around us?      

Connection happens quite easily when we express care for those around us.  Expressing care is not only through our words but through our tone, facial expression, and body language, and in being interested in and showing empathy for the other person.  

The first thing to determine is if you genuinely want to connect with the person/people with whom you disagree.  Knowing the importance to you will guide your future conversations with him/her or them.

To bridge the gaps in our relationships, we can do the following:

1. Take note or make a list of what you value and/or love about the person you most struggle to connect with.
2. Remind yourself of our shared human condition that nobody wants to suffer and we all just want to be happy.  You could create a little mantra: “just like me _______ wants to be happy and does not want suffer”; and repeat this mantra to yourself. 
3. Decide whether you are interested in understanding where he/she is coming from with regard to the disagreement you have with the person.   If it matters to you, then become curious about their point of view.

Remember that conversations about controversial or concerning situations are as temporary as the situations themselves.  That is to say that nothing lasts forever.  Everything changes.

Prioritizing love, connection, and compassion during these gatherings will ease tension, and help you communicate more deeply with each other.

We have a lot to be thankful for, and reminding ourselves of the importance of the people in our lives is a good beginning point.

Happy Thanksgiving.  

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