It is the human condition that we occasionally suffer some fear and self-doubt. Our inner critic, to keep us from making complete fools of ourselves, will caution us against breaking out of our comfort zone.
But when fear or the need for perfection becomes overwhelming, it can paralyze us and keep us from living a life of contribution and meaning.
These feelings keep us from trying new things, making mistakes or failing, saying no, standing up for ourselves, and making changes. We become trapped in a cycle of trying to please others and in the limbo of procrastination. Stuck in this safe and familiar cocoon, we live less than fulfilled lives where our dreams and goals are slowly stifled.
To overcome indecision, procrastination, hesitancy, or uncertainty, practice the following techniques:
Self-Compassion – remember that self-doubt is a normal part of being human, and try to accept these feelings as temporary unfolding experiences because nothing lasts forever. Instead of fighting it, acknowledge the part of yourself that is trying to keep you safe, thank it, and then assure it you are capable of coping with life’s challenges. Gentle acceptance lessens fear and helps us regain control.
Mindful Attention – make a strong determination to notice and then to stop your doubting thoughts. Play devil’s advocate and challenge your inner critic who says “you can’t” or “you shouldn’t” or it “isn’t wise”.
Stop Comparing – avoid social media sites that cause you to compare yourself to others and their accomplishments. Researchers are finding that Facebook users are becoming increasingly more depressed. Our doubts and feelings of inadequacy grow when we look at others who always seem to be having more fun, attending fancier parties, and doing so much better than we are. The fact is all of us are struggling to be relevant, seen, understood, and admired.
Listen to your Instinct – weigh the pros and cons of any situation, and then follow your first thoughts to make your decision. Constantly flipping between “should I” or “shouldn’t I” merely keeps us stuck in limbo. It is important to reassure yourself that you can always make changes after beginning.
Ignore Other’s Opinions - Like all thoughts, opinions aren’t fact or truth. So what others think of you is merely their opinion. If you choose to listen to other's opinions, know that their wishes and ideas can influence your decision, and cause you to hold back when you should be taking a chance or making a change. Ultimately the decision is always your own.
Let Go of External Validation - on the flip side of listening to others’ opinions, stop asking for reinforcement or validation from others. Seek advice, but avoid doing this too frequently as this habit will eventually weaken your belief in your own decisions.
Resolve to Take Risks - decide to try something new and assure yourself that you will cope with the challenges. Each day or week, set yourself a tiny goal that will challenge your fears; do this especially for things you’ve been putting off.
Broaden your Perspective - if you are struggling to justify doing something, then think of the people who will benefit from whatever activity you would like to undertake, and then -- do it for them. This expansive
heart-warming reason is an extremely powerful motivator that will keep you persevering.
Start where you are right now. Begin by examining your life and noticing where you are holding back from living the life you envision for yourself. Then decide to do what it takes to pursue your life’s goals.
May you overcome your self-doubt to live a happy, fulfilled life.