Your Mind, Your Possessions

A couple of weeks ago, I ended a 10-day silent retreat up in the Santa Cruz mountains.  It was a powerful experience living from one bag, rotating 4 outfits, and discovering life's simplicity. In addition to living with less, being in silence showed me how often speaking can be simply another form of entertainment and even a distraction. 

An underlying theme of this retreat’s teachings was getting to know the things that disturb your peace of mind. 

We may not consciously grasp how we view our interactions, our relationships with others and ourselves, and our possessions as things that can unsettle our calm. Peace of mind is interdependent with our relationship to people and things. Unhappy relationships create unhappy minds and vice versa.

Less obvious, though, may be the impact possessions have on one’s state of mind.

Caught in the Cycle
Years ago, I read a shocking statistic. A typical American family owns about 300,000 items (L A Times 2014 ). According to information from a 2015 Time article, US children comprise 3.1% of the world’s kid population, but their families buy more than 40% of global toy purchases.  When the average US family moves, their possessions weigh about 8000lb, which is 4 tons! Younger people are also no longer saving but are spending about $18000 a year on nonessential items according to USA Today.

So . . .

The items in and of themselves aren’t the problem.

As the above statistics glaringly illustrate, owning too much is the problem. Obviously for our survival and comfort we need to possess things. When it becomes excessive, then we’ve slipped into the problem zone. Like when you are enjoying a piece of cake, you may be able to eat 1 or 2 slices and still experience pleasure, but if you were to continue eating you would become sick. Enough is pleasurable and good.

The retreat leader isolated the problem to how our minds relate to our possessions.

He said more valuable, pricey, and coveted items create much greater stress. In as much as we obsess, worry, and fear that some damage, destruction, or loss may befall our coveted items, to that degree our mind will be distressed. Backing up his argument is UCLA anthropologist Elinor Ochs who says that the objects we bring into our homes aren’t inert. Her decade long research shows that homes with too much stuff cause greater anxiety.

From the retreat teacher’s years of experience, he advised buying those things that are second best or NOT top of the line; in that way if they were to get damaged or lost you are less perturbed.

Interrupting the Process
We have become more acquisitive because things are so much more easily available. Same day delivery and instantaneous one click purchasing deprive us of the time and space to reflect on whether we actually need it.  So it has become harder to interrupt this hyper-purchasing process with questions like, “Do I need this?” “Where will I wear this?” “Is there space for this item?”

The way to break the cycle is to begin to notice what happens in your mind and emotions when you are desiring something.

 A mind filled with longing for something is unable to see clearly; its singular focus is the object of desire. This mind exaggerates all the good qualities of the object and completely disregards anything contrary. Sleep is disrupted; thinking is skewed. It fixates on when I have this item or person (usually something external to yourself) only then will I be satisfied or happy.  Clearly this is a tormented mind. 

Most cruel is realizing after you possess the coveted object or person, that satisfaction and pleasure are short lived. Before long your mind will be craving for something else.

The process is fueled by a barrage of advertising promising the latest cure, look, status, panacea; these are designed to trigger your desire and habit of buying.

Cornell University professor Thomas Gilovich notes that our happy memories are longer lasting than our possessions, which we eventually grow accustomed to and overlook.

So the next time you are getting ready to click “Buy Now” or “Place your Order” remind yourself that happiness doesn’t come from our possessions, but from our experience of enjoying and being with loved ones.
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May you find peace of mind in simplicity.

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